I’ve mentioned being off my game in my last few posts and while everything that troubled me has been or is being resolved, I’m still off. And I’ve been overestimating my ability to bounce back when promising posts on here.
It’s been irresponsible of me and certainly nothing I want to make a habit and that has necessitated some self reflection.
What I’ve concluded is that different things I’ve been dealing with have thrown me off enough that I am going to be focusing much more on my writing and a few aspects of my life that are not this blog. Although I enjoy doing this and think it could be of incredible value, it can also provide a distraction that has too great a potential to hinder me in the next few weeks. My outside estimate for my return is the first Sunday in August.
I hope you’ll miss me but not too much.
Until then, I hope you enjoy what I have up here currently. And I do have something for you. I talked here about removing the image of a window’s melting glass. One reason I cut the image from an early draft of “Karas” was my realizing it would fit better in a story about a woman named Emily, who like Kara has some odd experiences.
What I have for you is a passage about “Emily.” It’s imagery heavy because I often latch on to one or two pieces of imagery before writing. This passage I actually thought of while trying to fall asleep and, when I realized I wouldn’t be able to sleep if I couldn’t stop thinking about Emily, I scrawled it onto a scrap of paper. Oh, warning: it, like a good amount of early drafts of mine, is written in first-person present tense.
So here goes:
There is a second where I am swimming, and, then in the next second, I am dying. Drowning to be exact, but it comes around to dying. It is the moment I realize that I will not make it to land; I will sink.
My arms look pale against the water – despite the tan I have been trying to build. They look weak once I slip below the waves and long as they trail after me, Long like the dead, dying bones in them. Do bones die? Can they be said to be alive? If so, I’m sure mine will outlive me, long outlasting the flesh that the saltwater will eat voraciously.
The water hits my lungs and starts to burn. I’ve heard drowning is peaceful and blame the pain on the last bubble of my air that I can see rising to the surface, the impenetrable surface. I close my eyes and try to be calm. This is what happens when your body dries of the adrenaline that let you escape a sinking ship. This is what happens when you stop caring about the warmth of your bed, your inherited smile–once your mother’s–sharks, and what the person who pulls you out of the water will look like.
And then Emily wakes up, which is when it starts to be fun for me. This particular story got explored in a piece of flash fiction that may end up on here in the future as well.
For now though, that is all. ’til August, cats and kittens!